I had one of those spectacular weekends with my family. The kind where it’s snowing on the mountain every day and the powder at Mammoth is so deep that you hardly have to work at the sport, you just get to glide down the slopes. Evenings were spent at the condo eating, drinking, talking, and on Valentine’s Day, watching sappy love movies.
In one of those particular movies, a love struck Jack Nicholson declares “I have always told you SOME VERSION of the truth!” And she gives him the look. One of those looks that women give when they no longer trust you. That comment was a deal-breaker.
That’s because earning trust is not just about telling the truth, or some version of it. It is really about honesty and integrity in a relationship. When someone withholds information intentionally, knowing it would improve your situation but not their own, that is a breach of trust, even when they are truthful. When someone tells you only part of the truth to cause you to behave in a way that benefits them, it is a breach of trust, even when they did not lie. When we discover the whole truth, we still feel deceived.
I reflected this weekend on how many times I have discovered that I had been told SOME VERSION of the truth. And I realized that every time the relationship seriously deteriorated, if not broke. And I realized that rebuilding that relationship was long and hard, and never quite complete.
Another important reflection for me: I spend significantly more money with people I trust. I know a lot of business people, and I don’t always go for the cheap deal, because in the end I find it costs me more. I have found people I trust to do a good job and take care of me, and I spend money with those people. Most of them give me a very good deal. Because they are good people. Because they are people you can trust.